An Essay To Write...

As I sit here in the library at Moorlands my head is swimming with information and jobs to do: 

• I need to get this essay done
• No-one has emailed back regarding my dissertation research
• I've got to do some reading for block placement
• I need to run through the Bloodwork songs before Saturday's practice
• Oh dear, I need to do some Christmas shopping!
• My house isn't finished on Minecraft... I'll find time for that later

I have this really naff habit of placing my personal wellbeing far and beyond below everything else, I know that the more time I spend in quiet meditation and reflection the more focussed my mind, the more still my spirit and the greater the revelation. As it has been said, 'Be still and know that I am God', how often as busy Christians with busy lives do we forget that? How often as Bible college students do we forget to do that?

I have often fallen into the trap of assuming that studying the Reformers, writing an essay, because it is, in general terms, worship that it counts... It doesn't if it isn't done with the right heart. Our heart position on these sorts of things is absolutely crucial, this is something I picked up when I was at Nexus, something I was convinced I would remain true to. I am ashamed to admit that I've been found lacking recently. 

I have started praying more though, this has resulted in conviction, in a hunger and a thirst for scripture. I am reminded of this verse, 'I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.' (Galatians 2.20). Oft cited by many folk it pretty much sums up where I'm at right now and how I am approaching these next few months (with, of course, a view to carry on!!). When I am in Chesterfield on block placement a significant part of what I do will be interacting with and spending time with strangers, people like myself who feel ostracised and who are hurting and broken. If you know me at all you will know that I suck at things like that, however as I reflect on and pray over this Galatians passage there is a simple yet radical truth which comes to me:

I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Simple I know right? There is so much in there though, so many implications. I am not for one second saying that I am ashamed of what Christ has done in me or that I am unwilling to speak His name. I am saying that through all my fears and failures, through all my insecurities it should be this truth that is manifested, not the bold faced lies that I am inadequate to carry out the task which is laid before me by God. I have no idea what that is, and to be perfectly honest with you I'm terrified. 

I don't see comfort, I don't see acceptance, I see challenge and I see struggle. I see conviction, I see joy, I see GLORY being brought to the KING OF KINGS, I see knees bowed before Him in adoration, I see hearts open to the LORD OF LORDS, I see weeping with joy, I see broken lives MADE NEW, I see men and women who were once stuck in a lukewarm hovel being SET ON FIRE, I see new leaders being raised up, I see bold and prophetic declarations over each other, I see people FORSAKING SIN for the sake of the Gospel, I see people loving EVERYONE, I hear the screams and the cries of the justified rising up, I see a SPIRITUAL ARMY of the living, holy God, I see relationships, I see people stepping forward into new and exciting places, I SEE DISCIPLES WHO ARE LIVING THEIR LIVES TRANSPARENTALLY, IN FULL VIEW OF THOSE AROUND THEM, I SEE CHRIST BEING GLORIFIED THROUGH THE SIMPLE SERVICE AND WORDS OF THOSE DISCIPLES, NOT BEING SOLD THROUGH THE COMMERCIALISATION OF THE CHURCH.

For now I leave you with love,

The Rambler