This blog post is being written sat in Starbucks. In my defense I am meeting one of the Pastors of Westcliff Baptist Church, my weekly placement at Moorlands. My official placement supervisor is on paternity leave, his wife having just given birth to their third son (congratulations Chris if you read this!). It strikes me as I sit here that Bournemouth is a place for those individuals who feel shunned by society.
The guy who made my double espresso (lovely!) seems to be someone who I would get along with, I seem to have a penchant for those who are marginalised by their peers and feel an instant pull towards both men and women who have embraced an alternative lifestyle. Perhaps this is simply a desire to be one who loves. Having been rarely freely accepted by certain of my peers I was rather accepted with provisos. I must drink excessively, take drugs, be like them. I think that sub-consciously I actually wanted to be like them…For people reading this who have experienced a) this sense of rejection and b) the overwhelming longing for close, tender relationships this feeling and draw should be all too real. However I think those like myself are far too likely to compromise our identity to pursue these wishes and these hopes. For those who have ‘attractive personalities’ (I have coined this phrase myself but I’m sure many others far more learned, literate and wonderful than I have used it in many far more effective ventures) it is no problem, they have consistently been surrounded by people with the individual looking up to them. This is certainly something that many people desperately wish to achieve. It is, I believe, one of the biggest lies ever told by those who would recognise themselves as being ‘alternative’ in some aspect of their lives that they genuinely are happy with the rejection they experience from society.
It has been my experience that those who have first hand knowledge of this rejection, myself included, have longed for acceptance within a ‘standard’ and within a ‘norm’. This is why alternative culture communities exist, they exist so that those who are marginalised have a home, they have people who they can identify with and are accepted by. This is not a problem.
The problem comes, however, when that just is not enough. Let us imagine a kindly young man called Derek. Derek has shaved one side of his head, he wears makeup, black clothes, is covered in tattoos and piercings and listens to ‘dark sounding’ bands. Derek has lots of friends who are just like him, they go to gigs together and discuss existentialist philosophy but for Derek this isn’t enough. He has a wonderful time with these people, he loves them dearly but there is something missing.
Whenever Derek sees a man he knows called Aaron he gets incredibly jealous. He doesn’t understand why, isn’t he happy with his community? He sees Aaron talking to all different kinds of people, he sees him mentoring people younger, older, of the opposite sex. He sees him preaching incredible messages which all the other people he knows rave about but is, for some reason, jealous that his sermons don’t get the same press. Derek starts to wonder, what is the point of his getting involved if Aaron is so good at the stuff he is average at? Derek starts to look down upon himself and starts to wonder: ‘If I was like Aaron, people would respond to me in the same way surely!’
Derek starts to crack jokes like Aaron, he starts to preach like Aaron and he starts to enjoy the same things as Aaron. Derek starts becoming Aaron. I hope that you can see a problem at this stage in the story. What may that be? I will tell you. Derek is not Aaron.
Sounds simple yes? It isn’t. Derek’s identity has, from infancy, been found in how other people view him and interact with him. He has consistently been in other people’s shadows because of his slightly bizzare nature and strange taste in things however because he is a human he desires popularity, he wants to be the alpha male. Derek wants to be noticed. Aaron always has been noticed, it is his make up, it is how he is. Aaron has never had a problem with this, he may have used it to his advantage a few times but he has never truly exploited anyone or seen himself as superior to anyone else.
Derek feels a natural pull to be like Aaron, as human beings we try to imitate something or someone if we see it as producing results we desire. However we will never truly be that being we are trying to imitate.
Derek acts like a fool, people don’t find him funny. His sermons are all over the place because he simply doesn’t have the incredible vocal and physical presence that Aaron has.
What can Derek learn from this situation? Imitation is an extreme of inspiration.
It is all very well for Derek to look at Aaron and say, ‘there is an area of my life I could improve in’ and as a result try to implement change based on his own character but to try to change and manipulate his own character to turn himself into a carbon copy of Aaron is incredibly dangerous.
This is why I called this post the problem of individualism, perhaps it should have been called the problem of the alternative individual but the original seems snappier. Being an individual is incredibly important, it is a beautiful thing. I love to meet people who are like-minded, seeing people express themselves in beautiful and personal ways but there is a danger that those like myself are prone to falling into. That is the problem described above that Derek faced, the problem of imitation.
I have fallen prey to this problem, I have struggled to learn how not to copy people who are better than me, I still try to copy people but I’m slowly recognising where I am failing to be inspired and where I am aiming to imitate.
Inspiration not imitation.
The Rambler
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